Introduction: The Regret That Teaches Us How to Become Happier
Imagine this: You’re lying in a hospital bed, looking back on your life. What do you think you would regret the most? Not working harder? Not making more money? Not buying that dream house?
Surprisingly, none of these rank at the top.
According to Bronnie Ware, a palliative care nurse who spent years with dying patients, one of the most common regrets people have is that they wish they had allowed themselves to be happier. They realized too late that happiness was a choice—one they postponed for “someday,” only to find that someday never came.
Yet, in the world we live in, happiness is often sold to us as something we must achieve—a reward for success, wealth, or the perfect circumstances. We think, Once I get that promotion, once I find the right partner, once I have enough money, then I’ll be happy. But research suggests otherwise. A study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that people who chase materialistic goals often experience lower well-being and greater stress, as they tie their happiness to things outside their control.
So, if happiness doesn’t come from having more, where does it come from?
It comes from becoming—from how we treat ourselves along the way. And that’s where self-compassion changes everything.
The International Day of Happiness: A Reminder, Not a Destination
In recognition of the universal importance of well-being, the United Nations established March 20th as the International Day of Happiness. But while this day serves as a beautiful reminder, happiness isn’t about waiting for a special occasion—it’s about what we practice every single day. (Check also my latest article 5 Science-Backed Ways to Cultivate Hope & Community for Long-Term Happiness | WOHASU 2025 Insights)
One of the key foundations of long-lasting happiness is self-compassion—the ability to treat yourself with kindness, even in difficult moments. Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading expert on self-compassion, has found that those who practice self-kindness experience greater resilience, emotional balance, and self-worth—all of which contribute to a lasting sense of happiness.
This is why self-compassion is a core practice in my upcoming 90-day workbook, 1% Happier Me Today—because happiness isn’t a destination, but a daily commitment. And today, on the International Day of Happiness, is the perfect moment to begin your self-compassion journey.
The 3-Step Self-Compassion Journey to Becoming Happier
If you’re searching for how to become happier, the answer isn’t found in chasing perfection or waiting for life to align. Happiness isn’t something to be earned—it’s something we cultivate within. And one of the most powerful ways to do that is through self-compassion.
By treating yourself with kindness rather than criticism, you build the emotional resilience and inner peace needed for long-lasting happiness. This three-step self-compassion journey will help you reframe your mindset, strengthen your self-worth, and navigate challenges with greater ease.
Step 1: Rewriting Your Inner Dialogue for Self-Kindness (The Foundation)
Most of us have an inner critic—that voice that amplifies our mistakes and makes us doubt ourselves. But what if, instead of tearing ourselves down, we practiced self-kindness instead?
Studies show that self-criticism triggers stress and anxiety, whereas self-compassion activates the brain’s self-soothing system, leading to greater emotional balance and resilience.
📝 Try This Exercise: Reframe Your Inner Dialogue
- Identify a self-critical thought.
- Reframe it as if you were speaking to a close friend.
- Repeat this new, kinder thought daily.
By shifting your inner dialogue, you take the first step toward becoming happier—treating yourself with the same kindness you offer others.
Step 2: Building Self-Worth Beyond External Validation (Deepening the Practice)
For many, self-worth is tied to achievements, recognition, or external approval. However, relying on these for happiness makes fulfilment unstable and conditional.
Harvard research shows that self-worth can be rewired through daily affirmations and self-compassion practices. Those who build intrinsic self-worth experience greater emotional stability and long-lasting happiness.
📝 Try This Exercise: Daily Self-Worth Affirmation
- Write down three qualities that make you valuable beyond achievements.
- Repeat: “I am enough, exactly as I am.”
- Reflect on moments when you felt worthy without external validation.
When you detach your self-worth from external success, happiness becomes an inside job—one that you control, rather than something dependent on others.
Step 3: Practicing Self-Compassion During Challenges (Mastery & Application)
The true test of self-compassion isn’t when things are going well—it’s how you treat yourself when life gets tough.
Research on elite athletes shows that self-compassion reduces fear of failure, increases resilience, and enhances performance—allowing people to bounce back from challenges faster.
📝 Try This Exercise: Self-Compassionate Response
- Think of a recent setback.
- Instead of self-blame, ask: What can I learn from this?
- Write a compassionate response to yourself—offering kindness and encouragement.
Mastering self-compassion during difficult moments allows you to navigate setbacks with resilience—one of the most powerful ways to sustain happiness in the long run.
Dr. Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Letter Exercise
One of the most powerful ways to develop self-compassion is through writing a letter to yourself—a technique developed by Dr. Kristin Neff.
How to Write a Self-Compassionate Letter to Yourself
1️⃣ Identify a Challenge: Think of a situation where you were hard on yourself.
2️⃣ Acknowledge Your Feelings: Write about what happened and how it made you feel, without judgment.
3️⃣ Offer Yourself Kindness: Imagine what a compassionate friend would say to you. Write those words to yourself.
4️⃣ Recognize Shared Humanity: Remind yourself that everyone struggles and makes mistakes—it’s part of being human.
5️⃣ Read It Aloud: Notice how it feels to offer yourself kindness and understanding.
My Personal Story: A Journey Through Self-Compassion and Happiness
Nine years ago, Pawel and I left Germany with nothing but our backpacks and a dream. But this wasn’t just about travel—it was a quest for true happiness, purpose, and a place we could one day call home.
While in Bali, I started working on my first gratitude journal, learning to replace my inner critic with self-kindness—just like in Step 1 of this journey.
But as I embraced self-kindness, I also unknowingly tied my self-worth to external validation. I shared my journey online, believing I was inspiring others, yet I found myself measuring my worth by recognition. That illusion shattered when I suffered a near-fatal fish poisoning. Suddenly, I was too weak to write, too drained to show up for my audience. And for the first time, I realized how much I had tied my purpose to being seen, rather than to true fulfillment.
That’s when I asked myself a life-changing question:
💡 “What can I learn from this?”
That moment became my turning point. Instead of seeking external validation, I turned inward. I focused on healing—not just physically, but emotionally. I started rebuilding my self-worth beyond achievements and social media engagement, beyond the need to be ‘seen’ by others. That was Step 2—learning to define my worth from within.
Looking back, I’m deeply grateful that Pawel was by my side—not just helping me heal, but reminding me of what truly matters. When my body was weak, and my mind clouded with fear, he became the voice of compassion and love that I couldn’t yet offer myself.
And that’s when I fully understood Step 3 in self-compassion: mastering kindness in life’s hardest moments. It’s one thing to be kind to yourself when everything is going well; it’s another to choose self-compassion in moments of struggle. And having the right people around you—those who remind you of love, connection, and what truly matters—makes all the difference.
At the end of life, most people don’t regret not working harder or achieving more—they regret not allowing themselves to be happier.
💡 Happiness isn’t something we chase. It’s something we create—moment by moment, through how we treat ourselves and the love we choose to embrace.
That’s why today, I don’t wait for happiness to arrive—I make it a daily priority. Not as a destination or a reward for success, but as a choice I commit to, every single day.
And that is the real secret of how to become happier through self-compassion.
The Inspiration Behind The Blooming Spectrum Journal + Your Gift!
The first part of this experience inspired me to create The Blooming Spectrum Workbook & Journal—a unique way to practice gratitude through mindfulness and colour psychology.
The final exercise in this journal, The Self-Blooming Exercise: A Gratitude Letter to Yourself, is a powerful self-compassion practice that helped me deepen my journey.
To celebrate the International Day of Happiness, I want to offer it to you as a special gift—because happiness is something we cultivate, and self-compassion is where it begins.
How to Receive Your Free Gift
💌 Leave a comment below sharing your thoughts on self-compassion, and I’ll personally send you the eBook with the Self-Blooming Exercise via email!
✨ And if you’d like to hear more about the lessons I learned from my near-death experience with fish poisoning, ask me in the comments—I’d love to share!
Final Thoughts: Happiness Begins With Self-Compassion
The International Day of Happiness reminds us that happiness isn’t found in possessions, achievements, or the approval of others. It’s found in how we treat ourselves along the way.
If you’ve ever struggled with self-criticism, self-worth, or setbacks, I invite you to start your journey today. Not someday. Not when things are perfect. But now.
💡 Because the secret to how to become happier through self-compassion isn’t waiting for the right moment—it’s choosing to be kinder to yourself, today and every day.
How will you start your self-compassion journey today?
Mulțumesc pentru acest articol!
Ehee, este foarte greu de făcut acest switch de la neiubirea de sine la iubirea de sine, la a învăța să fim blânzi cu noi, mai ales dacă nu am văzut blândețe în jurul nostru.
Dar este esențial, pentru ca dacă nu ne iubim pe noi înșine, nimic nu poate merge bine în viața.
Dacă nu o facem, la un moment dat vom fi forțați de către Univers/Dumnezeu să o facem!
Povestea mea este prea lungă să o scriu aici. Dar înțeleg tot ce vrei să transmiți!
Mulțumesc! Te îmbrățișez! Te admir!
Multumesc frumos, Paulina pentru deschidere si sinceritate! Iti sunt recunoscatoare pentru timpul si atentia acordata! 🙂
Eu cred ca partea provocatoare este sa constientizezi lipsa iubirii de sine apoi sa cauti modalitati de a pune in practica.
Imi permit sa-ti dau un sfat, pentru cu am increderea ca esti deschisa sa-l primesti si sper ca intr-o zi vom sta de vorba si fata in fata, sa-ti aflu povestea mai indeaproape: Tu esti deja pe un drum foarte bun de autocunoastere, te sfatuiesc sa-ti alegi bine cuvintele si sa scoti din vocabular ex. precum “este foarte greu” – cuvintele ne programeaza subconstientul pe termen lung – vezi articolul despre “Autosugestie”. La fel am facut si eu in privinta cuvantului “problema” inlocuind in vocabular cu “provocare” – nu inseaman ca totul merge cum imi doresc, dar cand se iveste o situatie mai dificila, folosind cuvantul “provocare” ma pun in situatia de a cauta solutii imediate.
Revenind la articol si comentariul tau, atunci cand vine practica iubirii de sine in joc – cu cat practicam mai des, cu atat suntem mai buni in domeniu.
Noi nu am crescut intr-un mediu in care este “normal” sa tii un jurnal, dar asta nu inseamna ca nu putem integra si dezvolta acest obicei nou. Este nevoie de atat de putin pe termen scurt, dar cu un impact atat de mare pe termen lung! Trebuie doar sa vrem si sa ne sugeram ca “putem!”
Iti trimit cu drag prima mea carte online, ce imbina practici de mindfulness cu psihologia culorilor si exercitii de recunostinta de jurnal. Este in engleza, dar suntem recunoscatori pentru ca avem modalitati de a traduce instant atunci cand este in format digital, iar pentru partea practica, poti folosi un caiet de notite.Daca cerinta va creste, pe parcursul anului voi traduce si pe romaneste 🙂
In curand primesti mail de la happierme.today 😉
Daca ai intrebari, nu ezita sa ma contactezi!
Multumesc! Te imbratisez cu drag si pe curand!
Îți mulțumesc frumos pentru carte și pentru sfat.
Am avut norocul să citesc multe cărți în care am aflat despre puterea subconștientului și a autosugestiei. 😊
Lucrez, lucrez cu mine 😊
Afirmații (mantre) scrise, rostite… Mai cad, mă mai ridic…E bine! E provocator, dar frumos!
Totul este minunat!😊
Cu mare drag, Paulina! Iti multumesc pentru impartasire si imi cer scuze pentru raspunsul intarziat!
Mi-ar placea sa aflu mai multe despre cartile citite, ce recomandari ai 🙂
Si eu sunt de parere ca atat cat traim, avem de lucrat la noi – asta inseamna sa fim in viata! 🙂 cum zici si tu, e provocator, dar frumos!
Abia astept sa-ti aud parerea asupra cartii “The Blooming Spectrum Journal & Workbook”